My boyfriend said he’s not taking care of me if I get really sick.
It was the wake up call I needed.
Almost two months ago I decided to take better care of myself for a few reasons. Number one I am a diabetic and I really needed to bring my sugar levels under control. Two, I’m over weight and could lose a few pounds, well more than a few. Three, and this the one that really hurt me, more than motivate me, my boyfriend of almost two years said he was not going to take care of me if I get really sick. His exact words were “if you think I will be like grandfather (this is really my dad but I call him grandfather) I’m not.”
My dad takes care of my mom who is also a diabetic and suffered a stroke in 2007. She cannot walk properly and has lost the use of her left hand. My dad dotes on her and takes really great care of her. So my boyfriend essentially said he will not be there for me. Red flag or not? Maybe, maybe not, it all depends on the context.
Pulling all the punches
Now the boyfriend has been trying to get me to eat right and take care of myself from day one. If I said hey bring me a snack, he would bring some type of fruit. Even the food he cooked for me was always packed with vegetables and the good carbohydrates ( I think these are like Big Foot – non existent). He clearly saw that was not working and went defcon ten. Instead in that simple sentence he attached my pride, my mind and my damn feelings. He brought out the big guns and I’m not going to lie I was mad as hell. But I didn’t respond in that moment I took the high road and walked away. Walking away was so hard because I wanted to cuss at him and say well if you get sick I’m not taking care of you either but I did not.
The next morning as I was scrolling through my social media feeds I saw a former workmate had posted a picture of herself sweating away after some intense exercise and I got out of my bed, dressed in some work out clothes and went on my first walk in a really long time. I didn’t walk far or fast but I walked. The next day I did the same thing and it slowly became a routine. I am walking much farther and definitely faster. Sometimes I even jog. I also joined an exercise programme in my neighbourhood.
This is the hardest part of my journey. Each day I have to push myself to continue. I have to push myself to get out of bed. And the boyfriend is super encouraging; saying things like you can do it. This is good start. He probably thinks he’s responsible for my change and in a way he is. When I hear him saying that stuff I remember his words and get silent because Jesus knows if I ever let him know what’s on my mind he will become my ex-boyfriend.
I love food. I like to eat because its my drug of choice but it’s slowly killing me. With my new found drive to work out, I found the will to eat better. Its not happening fast but it is happening. And I’ve done something really simple; I’m eating less of the bad stuff and more of the good shit! For example I bought a salad the last time I visited a fast food restaurant. A salad, yup a salad and water. Who is this chick and what have you done with her I asked myself. That salad fought me to eat. It kicked my butt! But I ate all of it and I felt like I had just climbed Everest.
All of my research says that if I remain consistent I will reach my goal of a healthy weight. Right now I am in the honeymoon phase of my new choices and I am really enjoy feeling more energetic. I also love seeing my healthy blood sugar levels. The problem will come when my honeymoon phase passes and I really have to push myself. Push myself to get out of bed, push myself to make the better choices in what I eat.
To not get to that point or to to delay it I keep thinking about what my boyfriend said. “I will not take care of you if you get get really sick”. Cruel but necessary.